Archive | November, 2012

Self Worth

11 Nov

Every day I am faced with a choice.  It has been said that you can only make a mistake once.  The second time, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.  Ouch.  I guess if that can apply to how I think about myself, well, I’ve been choosing to not think very nice things.

Insecurity is one of those things that kind of follows me around like my kids do when I’m on the telephone.  It interrupts my day, says things that I don’t want to hear, and is incredibly persistent.  Destructive, critical, demeaning, badgering, pandering, dishonest, unproductive, detrimental, painful, foolish, self deprecating:  These are just a few words to describe the nonsense I tell myself when I feel insecure.

Comparison has also been known to deplete joy.  Know the feeling?  Well, I do a lot of that comparing stuff too and I can tell ya, it’s a real mood buster when I’ve just looked at my 3.5mo post partum belly in the mirror only to immediately see two skinny minny chicks casually running past my front window.  Ugh.  Heart drops to the floor and I start beating myself up on the inside…  It’s a pretty sad cycle, really.

But, that doesn’t make me a sad individual.  I’m just being incredibly honest.  Honesty is hard, but I’d rather have people know me with my flaws than not know the real me at all.  Anyone can spin wonderful tales about themselves…I just can’t be bothered.

For the past year, I have been on http://www.myfitnesspal.com working on my weight.  When I started I was incredibly motivated and lost 23lbs in 2 months.  Then, I got pregnant.  I continued to watch my weight and food intake and exercised daily until the summer heat and my bulging body killed my motivation.  I thought I’d be fine because I had been so careful for the first 7.5mo of my pregnancy.  Unfortunately, I was mistaken.  Now, I’m 6lbs heavier than when I started my weight loss journey a year ago and that’s not including the 15lbs I’ve lost since my son was born in July.

Watching what you eat is always a choice too.  I hate diets and refuse to be on one but I do watch my portions and try to put wholesome food in my mouth. But, not always.  For example, today, I had a small Coke and three cookies from McDonalds and it was delicious.  🙂

I want to be better, look better, think better, act better, better better better better.  Who doesn’t?  Unfortunately, criticizing myself isn’t going to make me better.  If it did, I’d be perfect by now!

Lately, I’ve been realizing how critically I think about myself and how destructive it has been to my self confidence and how I have viewed my self worth.  Once I started realizing this and facing the fact that I had been telling myself a bunch of lies, I got upset.  Upset enough to say “NO MORE!”

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am perfectly me.  I will always be in the process of becoming me.  There is nothing more beautiful than a confident spirit.  If I want to be better, there is nothing to it but to do it.  Instead of comparing myself I will choose to empower myself.  Instead of thinking critically I will think compassionately.  I will stop the self hate and foster self love.  Acceptance will replace rejection.  When I look in the mirror my reflection will not just be my image but also my heart.  There is more to me than what meets the eye and that is the most important part.

As a first step towards having and developing a more cheery outlook on life, I scrawled this reminder on my scale:

Image

We all can improve ourselves daily but I believe this should start on the inside FIRST before we start trying to change the outside.

In parting, I want to remind you to be kind to yourself.  We only have this one shot at life.  There really is no point in tearing ourselves down.  Rather, we should not only work at viewing ourselves more kindly but also having a kinder heart towards those around us.

My dad has always said “You win or lose by the way you choose.”

So, what will you choose?

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